Monday, May 07, 2007


Love in my Life

I'm listening to old episodes of Cast On - a podcast about knitting, and tonight I heard the one about the Muse of Tragedy, which contained a piece I submitted. It was a story about a sweater that I knit for my bro-in-law Dave, ending with the sweater being placed on his casket, and me wondering how my sister would continue on through life without him. The answer: she has, with lots of tears and missing, but also with shared memories and new joy wth her partner, Bill.

Along with pondering her habits of having a series of long, intense relationships, I ponder my habit of having a series of short, well-seperated, shallow ones.

My longest friendships are with ex-boyfriends or ex-lovers... except the boyfriend who I actually lived with for three years, but have spoken to ONCE since we seperated. He just wasn't worth it.

And.. that's what it comes down to: I used to think it was that *I* wasn't worth long relationships, in other people's eyes... but I'm coming to the realization that I have yet to meet someone who is worth that, in mine.

Whether I actually wind up settling down with a single individual, or work out my concept of living a polyamourous life, I'm enjoying being in a phase right now where, for the first time ever, I'm feeling confident about flirting. I am following up with people who indicate an interest in me, though not falling head-over-heels for them until I figure out whether I am interested in THEM.. though the ones I DO find interesting, still get the treatment of being visualized as a life-long, happily-ever-after, I-will-leave-my-current-lifestyle-to-be-with-you deal.. but I get over that in a day or two.

I've been close to a couple relationships to watch them flow from beginning to current-thoughts-of-forever.. and it has been pretty special. Watching Katie and Paul figure things out, and Phil and Claire work through life... its awe-inspiring! Same with watching my parents, married over 40ish years and still happy. Dang. Nice role models, all of you!

Someday.. I may join you. Potentially with more than one partner in tow, but, whatever :)

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