Tuesday, October 03, 2006
... I'm in the middle of a four-week program that is helping me to discover how to ... eek, there's a rat in the living room with me, that's soo creepy... might be a mouse.. I'm not moving unless it runs over my foot.... oh, so back to the sentence, discover how to create sustainable income for myself, in creative artistic-y ways.. like hooping, knitting pattern design, teaching glass beadmaking (haven't actually tried making classes yet, but I'm looking for a venue)... etc.
Tomorrow's session is all about finance. The facilitator has warned us that the discussion may make some of us cry. I'm prepared for this. Our homework tonight was to answer a bunch of questions about how our family handled money.. and all I can say, after doing the assignment, is that my parents and close friends all seem to have frickin' amazing money management skills (and willpower)... and I don't.
The secret part of me that wants to create an acceptable reason for this says that it is just because I'm so damn capable at everything else I do, that this is one of the few areas I can self-sabotage so that I don't have to learn how to deal with success.
Nice, eh? See what enough counselling experiences over the years can teach you? Anyway, wish me luck facing my demons, and getting the evil money monkey under control.
And thanks for all your support, and fabulous examples... I actually got teary tonight, remembering how safe I felt after having Paul tell me I'd never have to eat brown sugar and flour again (was once my meals for three days while I was waiting for a paycheque. many years ago) when I was freaking out about leaving UBC and not having any sort of financial safety net, 'cause he'd support me if Very Bad Things happened and I needed help. Graz, P.
(side note: how did I manage to surround myself by so many people who are competent money managers? You all rock, in various ways, but that's one of them.)
I think I used to be financially responsible. No, that's not true. I didn't used to have the burdens of paying off a car, and paying tuition. I never really learned good budgeting and saving skills, which sucks cause I could have saved sooo much money. Now I'm digging myself out of the hole, which I think I'm pretty good at. Only in September with the big tuition payment did I add any new debt, something I hadn't done since January. Too bad it was basically the same amount I'd managed to pay off, if not a little bit more.
I think tuition is a reasonable expenditure.. as are business cards, websites, brochures, and a whole buncha other stuff I'm going to be paying for in the next little bit... yargh.
Oh the other hand, eating breakfast AND lunch in my twice-a-day Starbucks habit isn't quite so reasonable.. I'm going to have to get back down to just ONE visit.. or maybe find a covered ice cube tray (my mind tried to type that as "eyes cube") to pour the chai syrup into, so I can crack a couple cubes at a time, instead of using half the carton before the rest goes bad..