Monday, March 07, 2005


Sticky Breasts and Dropped Shoulders

I could be talking about chicken parts and designing sweaters, but I ain't.

I just got back from having an ultrasound done on my right breast, checking out the "lump" (my words) and "thickening" (my new doctor's words) that have been troubling me for the last, oh, five months. Good news, nothing showed up other than lumpy breast tissue... again. This is actually the second time I've gone through the worry, the denial, the admiting-yet-not-doing-anything, and then the intense stress that actually occurs when it comes time to get the actual examinations done. .. and then the four-inch drop in my trapezius' (trapezii?) and shoulders when the "all clear" is sounded, and I relax again.

My tension hangs out in my shoulders, upper back, and neck. When I'm angry, my spine stiffens (and, I turn red in the face and cry, but that's .. well, okay, that's embarrassing is what it is, but whatever) and my shoulders bunch up, and it usually takes me the better part of a day to relax.

Y'know, "gut feelings"? Mine are higher... if someone creeps me the wrong way, up come the shoulders, I stand a bit taller... and apparently "The Wall" becomes quite evident (at least to the people who aren't completely obtuse as well as slimy). Gut doesn't have much to do with it... except when it comes to having butterflies in my tummy, but I'll leave that sort of tale for another time.

Weather: Sunny enough this morning that I got slightly red after sitting outside a Starbucks for half an hour while knitting

Chai's so far: Two. One was free, from a Starbucks girl who liked the beads I gave the staff as "tips"

Water so far: one bath, cut short by fire alarms and remembering that the landlord was due in my apartment in about ten minutes, plus a quicky tub and swim on my lunch break, about to head into waterpolo in mere moments.

Wardrobe: Old Navy jeans, blueberry long-sleeve T from MEC, black flip flops. Comfy, not so pretty.. went with the mood this morning.

Music: Whoa... didn't have any today, actually. Weird.

Oh yeah, Craft Work in Progress: am dropping a few hundred stitches at each shoulder section of my sweater, because I decided I didn't love the decrease pattern enough to keep it... so, rather than ripping back all the rows, I figured it would be easier just to go down and knit the wedge back up at each point. Still not sure if I'm actually saving time, especially since I've redesigned the decrease TWICE already, and will have to redo the previously redones again. Its so hard being a perfectionist.

Y'know, I had a feeling that's what the MSN 'benign' was about... great news, again!

The correct format is "trapezius muscles", so that no one feels left out if you choose 'the other pluralization' over their preferrerd pluralization... remember meese? and Kleeneces?? :oP

Other than that, you could clip the entire rest of the note, and paste it into mine - "same here", big time. My blouses fit better when I'm tense, because the shoulder-thing pulls my long arms up into the sleeves more...

Same here with the creepies, and "The Wall" - how do you think I kept getting side-by-side seats to myself through all those months of bussing back and forth to PG? 'Course, *my* Wall had chains and spikes...

I keep running into people from school who don't believe my tough act was a fake - all I wanted was to be left alone, and that was the easiest way I could arrange it. I still find that, when I'm feeling uncomfortable, the 10-foot-tall-and-stainless stance comes over me...
Funny... I never believed the tough act from either one of you. You were both too damn sweet.
That just goes to show that people remember what they want... and, also, that you were obviously one of 'us', instead of being totally beyond the pale!
Sweet? $#%*( that @$(*%$&%*!


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